Mutual Damnation
by JustJinxed
Summary: Driven to the brink of insanity, Rey seeks out the source of her sleepless nights, determined to set things right once and for all. (Companion piece to "Wildest Dreams" but not really required to read)


Heeeey! So, took me long enough, right? I wasn't actually planning on writing a second part to "Wildest Dreams", but after several requests, I decided to give it a shot! It's a lot longer than I intended...but I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Strange birds swooped and squawked overhead as the young woman ducked beneath another branch in search of her destination. She wasn't sure where she was going. There was no name for it - not the specific place here, or even the planet itself, actually. It was off most grids. It amazed Rey to think that there were certain parts of the galaxy where the law had never touched...She wasn't sure of the science around it, but this area seemed to scramble any kind of readings her ship had. The only way she had manage to find it, had been able to land at all was pure instinct - a feeling...a force.

The same force that kept her feet moving forward.

She closed her eyes and listened...this place was tropical, the wet air sticking to her face. Strangely, a breeze was constantly slipping through the trees, so that she was cool while she sweat. There were few inhabitants to this planet that she had come across. They were small, gentle creatures with pale skin and large, sunken in black eyes. She couldn't help but think that if she saw a picture of them, they would be terrifying, but they gave off a peaceful presence...and they seemed to know why she was here. They gave her no trouble, but she had seen the weapons that rested against their strangely modern (rounded, secure) looking homes. It would not be wise to cross them. They had given her water and sent her on her way. She could feel _him_ all around her, like she was suffocating. He walked here - these exact steps who knows how long ago. Minutes, hours, _days_ , she had no idea. When she took off in her ship in the middle of the night, she was half out of her mind with lack of sleep. She knew she would have to face Master Luke's disappointment when she returned...if he would even take her back. What else was she to do? Nearly every moment of her day was spent trying to fend off thoughts of Kylo Ren, but the nights were worse. She felt her mind call to him - couldn't _help_ it. In the beginning, when it was just teasing words and torturous touches, she could fool herself into thinking this would wear off, that their mental link would fade as time passed, but it had only gotten worse.

She had to go to him. Had to get him out of her system, then sort everything else out.

At last she reached a small path leading up to a hill...and that's where she saw it. A cabin carved completely out of stone, decently sized, resting peacefully among the trees. Her entire being _throbbed_. An unfamiliar feeling spread through her limbs, like some sort of detector going off - an alarm. He was there. He was _so close._ Could she do this? _Should_ she do this? She had no choice, she realized, as her feet continued their journey without her mind's consent. She shouldn't be here, shouldn't go to him. But she couldn't help it.

Before she knew it, she was in front of the large, cool stone door. Unsure of herself, she took a deep breath and raised her hand, giving it a gentle push. It moved open easily, and she slipped inside. He was here. _He was here._ She closed her eyes and eased the door closed behind her, resting her back against it. She was silent for a long while, refusing to move, refusing to open her eyes. Even when she sensed movement directly in front of her, she still refused to budge.

"Look at me." His voice sounded hoarse, thick with whatever true emotions he tried to hide so well. She swallowed hard and shook her head.

"I shouldn't be here."

" _Rey_." At that plea, her eyes flew open and her body sprang into motion in a way she didn't expect. She pushed him - _hard_ , but she didn't let him get far before she found herself shoving him _again_ , harder this time, her hands balling into fists. At last he caught her wrists and she found herself falling onto a soft surface, the solid weight of Kylo Ren pressed firmly on top of her. " _Stop._ "

" _Get off of me!_ " She screamed, unwanted emotions bubbling up in her chest.

"Not until you calm down." His voice was closer to the Kylo Ren she first met - emotionless. Scary. She felt shameful tears well up in her eyes.

"..I shouldn't be here." Embarrassed, but unable to stop them, she blinked rapidly, letting the tears spill down her face.

"Don't do that." Unsure of what he was referring to - her crying, or her talking like that, she focused her gaze at the ceiling, refusing to make eye contact, knowing somehow that would be her downfall. "You're tired. Take a bath, get some sleep." Blinking again, her brow furrowed at how incredibly normal this conversation had turned.

"Take a...this place has a bath?"

"Right through there." He said, gesturing and standing slowly. She could feel his reluctance.

"You won't..." She fumbled, losing her words.

"We have all the time in the world, Rey." He said her name like he was enjoying the taste of it on her tongue, and she ducked her head, still not looking at him as she hurried to what looked like the restroom. She marveled at it for a moment. It was...very nice. The water trickled in from the ceiling and pooled in a spherical tub, draining out slowly through a hole at the end. It was all rather ingenious. She stared at the closed door for a long while, both expecting him to walk in, and knowing that he wouldn't. Quickly and gratefully, she peeled out of her sweat-slicked clothes and slipped into the lukewarm bathwater. Her muscles immediately relaxed and she smelled a peculiar scent...something like tea tree oil and lavender. It didn't take long before her heavy eyelids closed and she found herself in a deep sleep.

* * *

As her mind eased back into consciousness, she became aware of a soothing warmth at her back. The smell of lavender still wafted comfortingly around her and she turned sleepily, the cool skin of her face finding comfort in this warmth. Vaguely she was aware of gentle fingers raking through her hair. A warm breath against her ear. None of this struck her as odd in her dreamlike state. That's what this was, right? A dream? She was in the arms of someone she- _wait._

Her eyes flew open.

She bolted upright.

" _What do you think you're doing?_ " She asked, incredulous. Confused, she looked down to find herself wrapped in a light blue robe, too wide and too short for her frame.

"You fell asleep in the bath."

"I asked what _you_ were doing _._ " She hissed, her cheeks flushing pink. Rey didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking. The silence in the cabin felt thick, but she knew she had to wait it out. He would say something. What could _she_ say? She was being ridiculous, but...the entire situation was ridiculous. At last, she felt his hand graze her thigh and instantly shied away.

"You're acting like that was the first time I've seen you naked." Her cheeks burned even brighter and she turned her shoulders so that she was facing even farther away from him. "But then...I suppose it is. In the flesh."

She felt foolish for being embarrassed. He was right, he had seen her naked before...but this time felt _so_ different. It was like they were strangers, but they weren't. He had touched her a thousand times, _but he hadn't_. Not really. Right? It was all too confusing, but to add in the facts of _who they were_ made it feel like...she was doing something so wrong. Because she was. And _this_ was _real._

"Rey." His tone had traces of desperation in it, but he quickly cleared himself of that emotion. "..Nothing has to happen. It is your choice. If you tell me to leave..." He paused, struggling with this, "Then I will go." She buried her head in her knees, pulling them as close to her chest as modesty would allow.

"How long was I asleep?"

"Only a couple of hours."

"I feel better."

Another long silence passed between them, their own thoughts like heavy machinery in their heads. When she felt the padding under them shift, her hand shot out and caught his wrist, though her face remained buried. He stilled instantly.

"Tell me what you want, Rey."

"I feel.." Her voice was rough, " _Better._ " Taking a deep breath, she swore to herself that she would get it together and rose, eyes facing in front of her. " _You're_ here, and it's loud, but it's quiet. I _slept_ for the first time since we met. I..." Words failed her again, and he waited as long as he could before he couldn't take it any longer.

"Rey. Look at me." His voice matched her's in emotion. It was one of the few times she had seen his control slip. " _Please._ "

Taking a deep, unsteady breath, she sat up straight and decided, at last, to seal her fate. Shoulders back, she turned to face him. As soon as her eyes met his, it was like a bomb dropped in her chest. He leveled her. Her breath caught in her lungs and her fingertips itched with the urge to touch him. He appeared to be struggling in a similar way. Emotions flickered in his eyes and his hands gripped the light sheet draped over the two of them, knuckles turning white. He would leave if he told her to. This was her choice. It was _her choice_ to damn herself in this way. Her head, as always, fought against her...but at last, her heart won.

Raising herself up onto her knees, she inched closer to him, turning to face him completely. He watched intently, not a single motion escaping him.

"Don't move." She whispered, brushing her fingertips against his cheekbone. He obeyed, hands staying curled around the blanket, though his body screamed at him to touch her, to take her. She tilted her head, inspecting the rough scar she gave him the last time they met. Reverently she leaned in and gave the tarnished skin a soft kiss. She pulled back slowly, but not as far as before. "Do you...truly want this?" She couldn't damn herself alone.

"Yes." He replied without so much as a moment's hesitation. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest as she realized what was about to happen.

"Then..." She wet her bottom lip reflexively, her voice barely above a whisper, "Go slow."

Ren leaned in close, his hand (surprisingly gentle) resting against the side of her throat, his thumb brushing against her jaw. He stayed there for a few moments while their breaths mingled, like he was making sure he would commit this to his memory. Slowly (just as she had asked) his full lips pressed against her's, and her entire body came to life. They had kissed before, but again this was different - he was _here_. It was new, but familiar and exciting all the same. Her small, calloused hands found the fabric of his robe and bunched around his chest, leaning in eagerly to the kiss. She couldn't explain it, the difference of feeling this in what was essentially a dream, now in real life. He was softer than she thought he'd be, her fingers curling into the jet black hair she thought she knew so well. He wrapped an arm around her waist and slid her carefully into his lap so that she straddled his hips, the fabric of her robe sliding up, giving him easy access to the smooth skin of her thighs. Wasting no time, his hands slid down, gripping and kneading the newly exposed skin while he leaned deeper into the kiss, tongue flicking out across her bottom lip, to which she quickly responded, parting her lips and allowing him entrance. He devoured her, and she was lost. Her thoughts betrayed her again and she thought of all the evil this man had done...that quickly morphed into self loathing. She hated herself for this - why couldn't she control her feelings? Not her feelings, her _urges_. It was ridiculous, she was a _horrible_ person caring for this man in this way. _Wait_ , not _caring_ \- did she _care?_ She had to stop it. First, she had to get it over with - this would be the last time they would be together. She would deal with the consequences of her idiotic, girlish fancies later.

Rey began grinding her hips down onto the growing hardness underneath her, and with unskilled hands, reached down and grabbed him. He tensed immediately and let out a breath, pulling away slightly and placing his hands on her arms.

"Suddenly eager?" When her only response was to lean in and kiss him again, he relented until her felt her small hands trying to untie his robe. "Rey-"

"Just do it." She said, breathless and continuing her fumbling. He caught her wrists this time, pushing her hands away from him.

"You're not ready-"

"I _am_." He looked her square in the eye.

"It would hurt-"

" _That's what I want._ " Her eyes widened slightly as she realized what she had just admitted. Ren's features hardened instantly and a dark emotion covered his eyes. Before she knew what was happening, Rey found herself flipped onto her back with Ren pinning her hands above her head.

"You _want_ me to hurt you?" He hissed in her face before gaining his usual, emotionless composure. After a moment, he continued. "Why?"

She avoided his eyes, unable to form the words that would explain the truth. He studied her expression before realization hit him. Lazily, he moved a hand, fingers trailing down her arms, leaving goosebumps where they touched. At last, his fingertips brushed her jaw, his eyes following the movement.

"You want me to hurt you...so that's the memory you have of me. To keep yourself away from me. I understand." He leaned in and pressed a warm kiss beneath her ear. " _It won't happen._ " His hand moved again, carefully pushing open the front of her robe, exposing her bare breasts to the cool air. "I am going to leave you with memories of _such_ ecstasy.." The belt on her robe was tossed to the side. "You will never want to leave me waiting again." At last, their eyes met and he quirked a brow ever so slightly. "Doesn't that sound better?"

"Shut up." Without hesitation, she buried her free hand in his hair, crushing his lips roughly to her's.

And like that, she knew she was finally damned.

His hand slid up her hip, to her waist then cupped her breast, lightly massaging the skin there. It was her turn to claim his mouth now, and he gladly let her. When she tried to hitch a leg around his waist, however, he pushed her back down into the mattress. Frustrated, she tried again, more insistent this time and he smirked against her mouth, pushing her back down again. Quieting her growls of protest, he smoothed his hand down her stomach, slipping between her thighs, biting at her lip when he came into contact with her wet folds.

"Is all this for me?" He murmured, moving to press hot kisses across her jaw. Her lower belly clenched at his words. "I know you like when I talk dirty." He nipped at her earlobe and she gasped as she felt a long, thick finger push inside her. Uncomfortable at first, she rocked her hips against his hand and sighed impatiently as her muscles relaxed. "You want more already?" Ren brushed her hair away from her face, capturing her lips again as he pushed another finger inside her, stretching her. This time was more difficult for her to adjust to and she buried both hands in his hair, wanting to be closer, wanting to distract from her discomfort. As if he knew exactly what she was thinking, he brushed his thumb across her clit, eliciting a sharp sound in her throat and a bolt of electricity shooting through her body. He continued rubbing her clit, soon moving his fingers in and out of her in rhythm with each other. Rey felt her head swim as her lower body seemed to turn into nothing but warm pleasure. His fingers, still pumping in and out of her slowly, curled inside of her and her back arched at the new sensation.

" _Ren_ " His name sounded like a plea hanging in the air and he smirked slightly.

"Tell me what you want, Rey." Those words again. When they happened in her mind, she had felt embarrassed, indignant, but now - what she was feeling, she didn't care if she had to beg on her hands and knees.

" _Make me come_." She gasped, her eyes screwing shut as his thumb hit her sensitive bundle of nerves again. With surprising gentleness, he peppered kisses across her face, then rest his forehead against her's.

"Eyes on me, or I stop." Instantly her eyes flew open and she caught the devilish grin of someone else - maybe the man he once was. The one he could be again. The thought hit her hard in the chest as she watched him crawl down her body, mesmerized as he positioned himself between her thighs. He looked up at her through those dark lashes as his mouth made contact with her clit, the warm, wet heat of his tongue eliciting a low groan from Rey. He licked and sucked, adding a third finger pumping in and out of her, all the while watching her come undone. As much as she wanted to close her eyes, let her head fall back and surrender to the pleasure he was giving her, she knew he would be true to his word. He would stop. And that thought alone made her want to scream. All too quickly she felt herself coming to a breaking point and she buried her fists in the sheets, hips bucking, her words urging him desperately on until _finally_ she reached that sweet release. Unable to help herself, she collapsed back onto the pillows, chest heaving with the exertion. Vaguely she was aware of Kylo Ren moving back up her body, brushing her hair away from her face, planting sweet kisses across her cheeks.

"You taste even better than before." Those quiet words betrayed the dark lust he still felt for her, the thought sending another tingly shock through her whole body. The thought of him getting off on giving her pleasure, well...that was something she hadn't really considered before. She wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and pulled him in close, capturing his mouth and kissing slow, the weight of her orgasm still working it's way through her. He surprised her again with his sweetness, returning her kiss with just as much soft enthusiasm. A hand cupped her cheek, thumb caressing her skin as he let her taste herself on his tongue. Instinctively, she moved underneath him, positioning him between her legs. He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, and it floored her when she saw nothing but affection there.

"Are you ready for me?" Permission. He was asking for _permission_ still. Butterflies flew to life in her stomach and she nodded her head, biting her lip and glancing away, mind going elsewhere. "Eyes on me." He reminded softly and she snapped back to attention, her bright hazel eyes locking onto him again. Gently, he nudged her legs open and guided himself inside, pushing into her wet heat until the length of him was fully sheathed inside of her. Her mouth fell open in a silent moan, her entire body tensing at the new sensation of being completely filled with _him_. He watched her, something dark and primal in his eye, but waited for her to adjust. Experimentally, she moved her hips through the discomfort and realized that she was already short of breath. Suddenly finding humor in the situation, she cracked a small grin.

"You're bigger than I remember." His answering smirk caused an explosion of warmth in her chest, and a sharp sigh escaped her lips as he pulled out of her, easing back in with one strong, solid rocking of his hips. Her hands slid up his arms, burying themselves in his hair - her new favorite thing - and pulling his lips down to her's. He continued to rock in and out of her slowly, gently, so that she could get used to the movement. A fast learner, Rey hitched a leg over his hip, urging him on. He smirked against her mouth and moved to kiss her neck, pulling - gentle but firm - on her hair to allow him better access. Impatiently she bucked her hips, wanting more of him - harder, _faster_. She tugged at his hair, locking her other leg around his hips and pulling, urging him on.

"My girl is so eager." He said, as if he weren't talking to her. There was a great strain in his voice. "She seems to forget her earlier request for me to _'go slow'_ She is making things very difficult."

" _Shut up_ " She gasped, clawing at his back now, "Forget what I said, just _move!_ "

"Tell me how you want it, Rey." He propped an elbow by her head, his broad hand resting gently against her slender throat. He stilled completely, lowering his lips to her's in the most teasing of kisses. A low whine that she would probably be very embarrassed about later escaped her throat and she moved her legs, trying to bring him in closer again, but to no avail. This was his game, and she had no problem playing for now.

" _Faster_." She whispered, feeling as though she was in some kind of inexplicable, cruel agony.

"Faster?" He teased, kissing her brow.

" _Yes_." Her growl caught in her throat as he pulled out and thrust back in, now relentlessly pumping in and out of her. Her fingernails bit into his forearms and he grabbed her wrists, pinning her to the mattress as he moved. With each quick, hard thrust, he whispered filthy words into her ear and she groaned, every word lighting a flame in her belly. All too quickly she felt herself on the brink again, but she wanted to hold off, wanted to indulge in this a little bit more before -

" _Come._ " With that one command, her world shattered again - _harder_ this time. Her legs loosened and fell to the side as she felt him pound into her - once, twice, _three_ more times before her eyes flew open and she watched him groan - the most erotic sound she would ever hear, she decided - as he spent himself deep inside of her.

The world - their own little piece of the world that they had created, seemed to stand still as he rest his forehead against her's, each breathing the other one in. Slowly he felt that he could move his limbs again and he pulled out of her, his strong arms pulling her to him as he laid down. Rey closed her eyes, for once content to be held. How had she accepted this? She never let anyone touch her. Was it some side effect of sex no one had ever mentioned to her? Her thoughts idly trailed back to her guilt...but she found that it was gone. Perhaps it would resurface once she was away from this place.

Away from this place?

Her chest squeezed painfully at the idea.

She was under some sort of lust-induced spell, right? Surely she would come back to her senses soon?

She couldn't think that way anymore. Something inside of her had changed.

"What now?" Her voice was quiet, a little bit hoarse.

"We don't have to think of that just yet."

"We'll have to think of it soon."

"I have a promise to keep first."

Curious, she raised her head to look at him.

"What promise?" She watched as his blank expression slowly morphed into a wicked grin.

"Do you see that mirror over there?" Her eyes widen slightly and a blush spread across her face as she felt his rough hand slide down and squeeze her ass.

Maybe - she suddenly decided - it wouldn't be so bad if she put her gloomy thoughts to the side for a little while longer.

* * *

Adding a second note because, can we all just agree that Kylo Ren would totally be into dirty talk? He would, right, or am I alone in this? /pointless

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!


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